The Home Stretch: September 2019

This week marks two weeks since we gave birth to our third healthy baby. If you have read my sporadic posts on this blog (bless you for your perseverance), you might remember our rushed first birth, our early miscarriage and the dramatic entrance our second daughter made the evening of New Year's Eve. This time, was much different than each of those experiences.

First of all, we were NOT expecting to be expecting. My experience nursing our second daughter was so rewarding, but it was DEMANDING of my body and my emotions. She nursed constantly. She didn't sleep through the night until 13-14 months old. In the midst of this chaos, and while on vacation out of state with my in-laws for Christmas, I started not feeling well. As the symptoms piled up, I told my husband, "If we are not pregnant, you need to take me to the doctor when we get home because something is wrong with me." Instead, I purchased a pregnancy test (or 4) when we got home, quickly took it, and found out we were pregnant. I told my husband nonchalantly the day of our youngest daughter's first birthday party. I will never forget the smile of disbelief on his face and how I just shook my head. Yes, we were in fact doing this again. Ready or not!

It took me a long while to be on board with this pregnancy, I hate to admit. I was very sick (again). I vomited most everyday until the 18-19 week of pregnancy. I had LOTS of food aversions that would hit me at a minute's notice. I experienced awful heartburn. Due to all of this, I was pretty willing to wean our daughter at 13 months (which might have been earlier than either of us really wanted). I muttered "I will never sleep again. What if I literally NEVER sleep again?!" many times. I repeated that this child was a miracle, a gift of God. I was truly grateful for our baby, but I could no longer be naively excited about the whole process as I had been in the past. I knew what it might entail this time, and I wasn't sure I was ready quite yet.

11 weeks and already showing!

I decided right away that I wanted to be seen by a different practice (again). So, I called a group that delivers at the same hospital we went to last time, which is about an hour away from our home. This practice integrates OB/GYNs and midwives in a beautiful way. Since I hadn't had a period at all since the birth of our second child, I had absolutely NO idea when we had conceived. They wanted me to come in for blood work the next day to verify my pregnancy and get an approximate idea of how far along I was. With how sick I was, I knew I couldn't drive for an hour with my two children to do this...so I told my mom and dad we were pregnant (the earliest I had every spilled this news before!) and my mom graciously drove me and watched my girls during my appointment.

This practice believes that progesterone injections are wise for anyone with a history of pregnancy loss. Since we had previously miscarried, and I tested quite low for my progesterone levels, they suggested we do twice weekly injections. This meant about $100 in supplies and that my husband (WHAT A MAN, YOU GUYS) would use YouTube videos and printable instructions to learn how to give me a slow, oil-based injection, in my rear end. We both hated it. It often left me bruised and sore, and he felt awful. But, we reminded each other, it would all be worth it if it meant the baby was healthy. The protocol then has you get your blood tested periodically to check that your progesterone levels are increasing. Mine did somewhat, but I never got up to where they wanted me to be. Regardless, after our 10 week "trial" we opted to be done with the injections because of the overall cost, and because we were past the risk of early miscarriage at that point.

At our 18 week anatomy scan, we opted to be surprised (again) if this baby would be a boy or girl, but we weren't quite ready for the additional surprise of finding out that our baby showed signs of a mild cleft lip. We were educated on what that might mean, and we were told we would need another ultrasound in one month to double check/rule out this possibility. I'm sure you can imagine the mental "what-if"s we tried NOT to entertain over the following 4 weeks.

19 weeks and carrying a very tired toddler.

Thankfully the following ultrasound (to our shock, really) showed no signs of cleft lip whatsoever. We were able to get very clear pictures of a beautiful nose, lips and chin that seemed to clear up any suspicion of abnormality. We were very relieved and thankful to God for one less "complication" to think of, even though we knew cleft lip would have been a very mild concern in our case.

Around 36 weeks into the pregnancy I had a weird, painful twinge in my right hip flexor when I went to stand up after sitting in the church nursery for an hour. I could hardly walk. I spent one miserable night sleeping in a recliner in agony...and nearly coming unglued emotionally, imagining going into labor already in this much pain. Thankfully, at my appointment the next day, my midwife highly recommended seeing a chiropractor. I was willing to try anything to get relief and I made an appointment (for the first time in my life!) with a chiropractor for later that week. He then recommended I come twice a week until the baby came. I felt relief gradually as I was adjusted by him and tried the stretches and posture changes he recommended.

29 weeks: family pictures <3

33 weeks: Our last outing together before Baby #3

38 weeks

Right after our last appointment & my last picture pregnant!

Monday, August 19 I woke up around 6am and had to go to the bathroom. That was not unusual at all for me at this point, but I noticed as I stood up and walked back to bed that my stomach was cramping pretty hard. I remember wondering if a mild contraction had actually woken me up instead of my need to go to the bathroom. I laid in bed awake until 6:50 and counted 3 more contractions that felt noticeable. I didn't time them, but I was surprised that I was feeling more than 1 or 2. As my husband got ready for work, I laid awake and loaded the app "Full Term" on my phone to help me time contractions. I was alarmed when one contraction around 7:30 left me unable to lay still in bed. I turned and moved and breathed deeply and then thought WAIT. Those types of feelings shouldn't come yet. Was this real?! I talked with my husband and we decided he could try to work until around lunch time and then check back in. I was largely in denial still because c'mon! We are only 39 weeks today. This can't really be it. They'll fade before too long, right?

And for a while, they did. My husband forgot the bag of cucumbers from our garden that we were trying to pawn off on his coworkers, so I volunteered to drive them in to get my mind off the contractions. As I chased two kids around his building and was introduced to a handful of his coworkers for the first time, I breathed through a few contractions. I was beginning to panic a little in my mind. I said to my husband as the girls and I started to leave, "I think today is our day." He looked a little surprised, but told me to keep him posted. When I got home, I wondered if my water had broken.

Our girls running around Dad's work as Mom is in labor.

He came home to check on me at lunch time and by then I was laying on my side on the couch, drinking lots of water, timing contractions and dozing off in between. Even though this was my third time experiencing labor, my contractions at this point were 15-30 minutes apart so I felt it couldn't be active, "important" labor. They were strong when they came, which is what was beginning to confuse/worry me, but they weren't getting much closer together. My husband returned to work as I (and our girls) napped.

We decided together to call the midwife around 11, to let her know about my water (maybe?) breaking and ask her advice. We set up a tentative appointment for 4:45 because I had not had any cervical checks up until this point and I was starting to just want to know if my body was really progressing. After talking to my husband via text around 2, we decided to cancel that appointment, and he agreed to be home by 5 to help out with dinner. A few clear memories stick out from that afternoon. I remember shoveling snacks to my two girls and letting them watch episode after episode of Daniel Tiger as I lay on the couch. I called my mom a few times as I changed my mind about what our plans were (my mom was going to watch our kids, so I wanted to keep her in the loop). I talked with my sister and thanked her for "distracting me", which to her signaled that labor was more intense than I was letting on. And 4-5 different people text and checked in on me in some of my most panicked, worried moments and let me know they were praying for me. I will never forget the undeniable feeling that came over me that God was seeing me in my vulnerability and rallying others to think of me and pray for me; I knew He would care for me in this upcoming journey.

Somewhere between texting my husband to come home to help with dinner and him actually arriving, I mentally decided we were going to the hospital. I tried to subtly get my oldest to help pack the car, but she quickly figured out what was happening and ran through our house, skipping and shouting "WE MIGHT MEET OUR BABY BROTHER OR SISTER TODAY!!" to her younger sister. Her joy has always been contagious. I called the midwife on call and we agreed that I should come just in case, and plan to stay in a hotel that night considering how quickly my other labors changed. I text my sisters at 5:30ish that we were leaving our town and heading to drop off our daughters at my parent's house. We pretty much dropped them off, kissed them goodbye and booked it to the hospital. At this point the few car contractions I was having were miserable, but I still had 8-15 minutes between them. I had a new Spotify playlist going on my phone to help me relax and enjoy even the hard work of labor.

At about 6:45pm we made it to the hospital. We checked in right about at shift change, so the nurse that showed us to our triage room was not the same nurse who came back in moments afterwards when I changed into my labor gown. I remember swaying and leaning over the bed, not wanting to sit down and our nurse saying "so I'm assuming you're here because you're having some contractions?" and I realized I must be visibly laboring. I explained everything and she said that by doing a quick cervical check she could also swab to see if my water really had broken. I braced myself to be disappointed (last time I had only started my hospital adventure at a 3-4), but she quickly checked me, shook her head with a laugh and said "OK, I'm just going to ask you all the other questions when we get you into a room. You're like a 7." I think I immediately told her she was my favorite nurse I had ever had :) I looked at my husband as we packed up our things and I said "Here we go! We're really doing this today! Let's DO THIS!" He text our families and let them know we were being admitted. Our hospital bracelets say 6:57pm.

We were the only ones in labor at that time, so we were given the largest room with the tub. I distinctly remember walking from triage to our room, directly passing all of the nurses at the nurse's station and awkwardly saying "Hi, everyone" as they watched me walk down the hallway. I heard multiple comments to my nurse like "Is she really a 7? She looks fine!"

Soon after we were in our room, I asked for them to bring in the birthing stool, just in case I decided to use it. When I saw how low to the floor it was, I immediately discounted that option. My husband started a diffuser and our midwife showed up soon thereafter. She asked us a few questions, chatted with us and encouraged me each time a contraction came, saying things like "That's it, Alison. You're doing great." She asked my husband if he would like to help catch the baby, and when he declined I quickly said I would like to. This entire time the contractions would leave me swaying, rocking, squatting, leaning over the bed or against the wall, breathing deeply, moaning lowly and singing softly along to my playlist. The weirdest part of the whole experience was the long break (6-8 minutes) I had waiting for the next wave to come. I was even able to joke, talk, and be fully present in those breaks. I never fully got into "a zone" like with my other births. I felt very aware and conscious of those around me and all that was going on.

My diffuser blend during labor. I premixed it in a triple batch so we could use it in our postpartum room, too.

At some point I decided to get up on the bed on my hands and knees, with the head of the bed upright so I could put my face on a pillow and rest my forearms. My husband brought me a cold washcloth and I chewed on it to help during the most intense parts. I tried to squat back deeply each time a contraction would come. I felt like the midwife and nurse must have thought I wasn't progressing well, because they performed another cervical check. My midwife said I was a 9.5! She said there was a small lip of my cervix left but that if I started pushing it would likely go away. I was incredulous. Multiple times during this phase, they would check for Baby's heart rate. At least 2-3 times they looked at each other and seemed concerned when it read in the 80s instead of 140's like before. At one point the midwife even said "I think it might just be time to have this baby" and I heard the nurse hurriedly wheel a table of instruments around. I felt panicked and confused and I asked if it was possible they were reading my heart rate instead of the baby's. When they moved the monitors lower, the baby's heart rate was consistently fine.

The most different aspect of this birth was how present I felt because of the gap between contractions. I never experienced the panic during transition or the desperation for pain relief like I did with my other births. This was the first time I made a decision to consciously push during contractions, which felt so unnatural and odd to me. I suspected I might not be pushing effectively because the midwife suggested I stand back up or try another position. I remember asking with an exasperated laugh, "How long do people hang out at 9.5cm?!" After standing through a few contractions, I asked if it was OK for me to push on the toilet. I had this in the back of my mind the entire time, and had even jokingly mentioned it to my sister and husband at different times that I would probably end up delivering this baby on the toilet. A nurse, our midwife, my husband and I all moved into the bathroom. I could walk just fine, but I couldn't sit down on the toilet without squeezing my husband's hands as he lowered me down.

Another cervical check revealed I still had a small portion (how is that possible?!) of my waters in tact that the midwife believed was inhibiting the baby from descending more. I didn't feel like I was making progress, and I assumed the midwife agreed because she said "I think we should head back to the bed, Alison. You were doing well there." Right as she said that I felt a gush as the last of my waters gave way. She immediately said to the nurse, "There was some meconium there." She seemed to be trying to talk calmly with me, but my eyes were closed and I was confident, for the first time the whole day, that the baby was actually coming now. I just remember reaching down and grabbing under my child's arms as she was born. We all heard a high pitched cry right away. The nurse and my husband both commented on the large amount of meconium that was delivered with the baby. I was instantly crying and saying "Mommy's right here, you're ok, Baby. Thank you, God! Thank you, God!" I think the next words out of my mouth were "I'm in so much pain, you guys!" Once again, instead of being blissfully overcome with adrenaline and hormones like in the past, I felt completely grounded and aware of all that was happening. It was SO DIFFERENT for me. After a few more moments of just sitting with my eyes closed and embracing my sweet child, I discovered we had another baby girl! We smiled at each other in disbelief and everyone sort of laughed because they knew we didn't have our girl name picked out. She would be nameless for about 12 hours.

We made our way back to the bed (which is sort of a hilarious procedure when you haven't delivered the placenta yet). At that point I heard our nurse say "20:41" and I was furiously trying to do mental math to figure out what time it was. My husband kindly said "8:41, Alison. I guess that's just our time of evening." Our other daughters were born at 8:00 and 8:29pm even though their labor stories were quite different. I delivered the placenta with some help from the midwife, and asked to examine it with her. It was fascinating, and MUCH larger than I expected. I was in awe that my body not only grew a child but also an extra organ. What a miracle! A quick examination showed I had no tearing, which really surprised me based on how I was feeling. I asked my husband to grab my "afterbirth" roller I had made, because the cramping was very uncomfortable. I rubbed it all over my stomach just about each time she nursed and after each time the nurses pushed on my stomach.

Afterbirth Roller for helping relieve cramping

The nurse later told us that the meconium that was present just before delivery is almost always an immediate NICU trip, but since Baby came out so quickly afterwards and was crying SO MUCH, they were confident she was fine to stay with me. Thank you, Lord for answering my prayer of never allowing her to leave my side. She was later weighed at 7lbs 13oz and measured at 20in long. When I first looked at her, I immediately noticed the dark hair all over her head (our other two daughters had been fairly bald), the adorable dimple that shows up on her right side, and her perfectly perfect nose, lips and mouth. I also remember thinking something about her reminded me of my second daughter as opposed to my first. I had such an adrenaline rush that I stayed up that first night until about 5am before falling asleep. I happily held and nursed our daughter, trying to memorize every detail, still completely in SHOCK that she was actually here. We thank God for our healthy child and how he brought her into the world in His own timing and way. Zara Beverly IS a miracle, a gift from God and a wonderful addition to our family. We love her with all we have.